wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize