i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
