so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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