we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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