I puked a lego.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
