I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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