I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
