I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize