My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
