This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
