Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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