Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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