Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize