Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize