At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
