Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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