im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
