She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
