Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
