its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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