You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
