I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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