Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
