I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
