i jhust puked up my retainher.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
