I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
