No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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