I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
