I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
