Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
