Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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