I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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