Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize