If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
