My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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