u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Congratulations! We have a period
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