Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
