He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
