is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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