Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
