i think my tv is drunk
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
