I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
