Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize