and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
