Your tits are I can't wait for
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
