so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
