He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
