Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
