you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
