some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
