This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
