upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
