Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
