The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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