"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
only you would photoshop your dick
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
