we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize