Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
