you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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