just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
