There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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