3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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