Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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