he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
