The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
