Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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