Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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