seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
