oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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