well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
