phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize