shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
