if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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