im holly from the hills drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
