I need help removing her.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
