Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
