Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
