There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
