Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
