Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
