I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize