apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
