You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
