My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
