I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
