the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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