A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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