So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
