she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize