4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Need sex. Gaining weight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
