Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
