eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
