I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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