She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
