dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize