I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
