Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
