Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize