There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
