My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
