It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
