go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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