Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize