I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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