is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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