I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
